Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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