I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
