I've blown a few things in my day
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Drunk is not a location!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
