I'm so fucking centered right now
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
