I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
