Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
