I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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