she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
