Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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