Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
