Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
