What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
as a side note pls kill me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
