shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
