I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize