it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
