I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You took a bar mat shot.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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