A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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