i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
