I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
