I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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