the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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