yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
