I'm gonna have a badass scar
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
