these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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