saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
