420 ftw
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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