Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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