Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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