what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize