I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
