It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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