We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
