it was like eating out sand paper
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
