shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the liver wants what the liver wants
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
