i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
