That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize