My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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