I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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