i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
