If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
that's an acceptable place to lick
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
