Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
