The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize