He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
