How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
wow bdsm is so cute
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
