I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
