i may or may not be watching the land before time
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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