So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
