At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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