I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
