She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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