I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
