I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
