i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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