Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
