Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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