NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
