dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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