I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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