apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
