Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
