So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
