my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
