Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
