So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
