The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
