So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
