i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
