i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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