so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
