Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
