im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
